your grace IS enough for me

OK, OK...I know what you're thinking... "another a blog entry with the title of a well known praise and worship song..." and you're right! There is a difference, however. This one is by Chris Tomlin and not Matt Redman!! (not that that makes any significant difference).

The theological definition of grace is "the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God." I think this is probably the best way that a definition of the word can be articulated, and still I don't know that it is enough. When I think of "grace" I think of something so beautiful and something so undeserving. The fact of the matter is that all the good deeds in the world won't boost you to a state where you are deserving of grace. period. When I think of grace, I think of something so scandalous, something that is almost offensively beautiful.

Furthermore, the hope of grace is the basis of our faith as Christians. You absolutely cannot discipline yourself to be living as "good" as you can where you can assure yourself a place in the kingdom. The only hope we have is this offensive grace we have absolutely no way of proving exists. This is what makes faith faith. The essence of faith is blindly believing something you have no way of being able to absolutely prove. If you can prove it, it's not faith.

This grace we're not sure about is all we have to cling onto. Growing up in a Christian school with differing theological opinions than mine, I often times heard people saying this or that person is "leading a 'casual Christian' lifestyle." I've heard this or that person is "not living as they should." What does that even mean? If a believer is a believer, than the Grace of God covers them. Too many times we try to restrain this beautiful, scandalous, audacious, offensive grace.

I know we are instructed not to continue in sin that grace may abound, and we are instructed the perfection Christ had. Not sinning, however, is unattainable. I believe that God judges the condition of people's hearts. I don't think we are judged based on the individual sinful acts we commit daily. If we were, we'd all be screwed. I believe that whether one is a true believer or not is judged by whether or not they are a slave to their sin. If they're not "made to be the righteousness of God," than they're not a Christian. If they're living an remorseless lifestyle of sin, they haven't experienced God, they don't know the great victory in Grace.

Romans talks about the "transformation" that takes place when one enters in to salvation. This transformation is described as a "renewing of your mind." This does not say a "renewing of your actions." In fact, it clearly says a "renewing of your mind." Now, I believe that there's an obviously an outward change, but this is not where the transformation is. The outward change is not a direct cause of salvation. It is an indirect cause of salvation, and a direct attribute of the transformation of the mind. If your mind is transformed your life will be changed. You will think differently. Your desires will not be the same. This transformation yields the result of running head on towards Christ.


Too may times we place so much emphasis on the outward change as opposed to the transformation that yields a "renewing of the mind." It is wrong when we see people sin, and strike them for not "living as they should." Is God's grace not enough? We aren't called to be content with watching brothers live in sin, but we are called to live with grace as Christ lived with grace. If we see our brother or sister living a lifestyle of sin, we are called to rebuke him/her. We are also, however, to live with great grace, and not be judgmental when we know the person is passionately running toward Christ. Not only are we called to live with grace, we are called to trust in this great grace we have hope in.


God, remind me of your grace, and help me to live in grace. Give me discernment, and make me not so damn judgmental. Show me what it means to live in grace, and help me to know that your grace is all I need. Your grace is enough for me!

p.s. happy birthday, mom.

christians make me want to have a guinness...

I went to my small group tonight. It's always interesting because you never know what you're going to get. I absolutely love the people in my small group. It's so diverse and full of different, conflicting opinions. When someone says something I don't necessarily agree with, I generally bite my tongue. I do this because there are other people there with opinions that are generally similar to mine who generally handle situations with more grace than I could. However, I couldn't hold it in on this night.

I was faced with how to address the statement "Well, if you are caught in the act of sin when Christ returns you are absolutely going to hell." I was told that the week before the same person had proclaimed that they had stopped sinning..or doesn't sin anymore...or something to that affect.

How do you respond to that? How does someone respond to someone with such a strong will that they won't let you get a word in edgewise? Better yet, how does anybody respond to someone arrogant enough to think that they're free from their "sin nature"?

I'm sorry. I couldn't let it go.

My response was something to the affect of "because of our 'sin nature' we are in a constant state of sin, aren't we? I don't know about you, but if your theory is correct I'm screwed." I tried to sit quietly while everyone laughed...except the person I was addressing. I then said "If we all go to hell if we're caught in the act of a sin, then why am I even a minister?" The person responded with "well, the word warns about wolves disguised in sheep's clothing." I was perplexed and astonished that someone had, to my face, referred to me as a "false teacher" in so many words.

Now don't get me wrong, I've been regarded as a nut on more than one occasion. In fact, I've even had people question my teaching abilities/style. But come freaking on...I mean I guess Christ's blood just wasn't sufficient enough to take care of those last couple of sins one might commit just as Christ steps down from his thrown to meet his church in the sky.

Non-Christians hate us. Christians also hate us...but that's not because we're ministers, it's because I'm finding that Christians have been led into this sick form of intolerance to the point that they hate anyone that isn't like them. You've got to be freaking kidding me. How is the church supposed to love when churches don't allow people to join their communities until they've gone through an evaluation period. It's not a freaking job. You don't need to conduct a freaking interview.

Guess what, even if you're a Christian you still sin. In fact, you're probably tempted to sin more than the average unbeliever. Guess what, the only difference is that you've been justified, you've been redeemed, you've been reconciled. Also, It's not by any of your own doing, so we can dispense with that thought right now.

It makes me so freaking mad when I see cocky Christians taking credit for their freaking morality. I'm starting to hate the idea of Christianity as an institution. "Christians" make me want to drink. All the hypocrisy, gossip, backstabbing, pride... Guess what, you suck! You suck when compared to the standard you're called to live up to. You can't be perfect..ever. Get over yourself.


God, help us to remember that you are the giver of salvation. Do away with our cocky attitudes. Show us the meaning of redemption. Draw us near to you, and give us the faith to believe that ALL of our sins are covered by the blood of your son. Amen.

peace, brokenness, beautiful devotion..

Lately I'm trying to view my situation using a different light...from a different context. See, in the context of 'gain' and 'loss,' in the context of things that are 'earthly,' I've obviously lost something that is very dear to me, a friendship that has become very dear to me.

Viewing my situation from my eyes it really sucks. I am, however, trying to view it on things on a different level. I'm trying to view it using a different pair of eyes. I'm trying to push aside my personal bias.

I'm trying to understand the sacrifice, the pain, and the brokenness that Ada has gone through is a thing of beauty when viewed by our God. I'm not trying to say that God basks in our misery, I'm saying that God takes delight in his children being unconditionally devoted to him and his works.

Sacrificing something that you hold dear to your heart in order to be in the center of the Lord's will is simply a beautiful thing. Being so devoted to our savior is a beautiful, beautiful thing. The brokenness and hurt that we suffer for the cause of the kingdom is absolutely beautiful, and I'm working every day in continuing to believe this.

Lately I've just been wanting a hug. I've just wanted one of my friends to come up to me, grab me, and not let me go for a while.

I attended a retreat from Friday until this afternoon (i had to leave early in order to fulfill my responsibilities as the youth pastor at Fair Haven). It was awesome. We worshipped. I felt the arms of God grasp me. I felt Him hold me. It was awesome. I felt comforted. I'll try not to get too pentecostal. I digress.

Destiny Cortez, of Extreme Change Ministries, taught on the topic of relationships. It wasn't one of those "abstinence conferences" where they tell you all the reasons to be sexually pure. Those in attendance were all believers (meaning we know that you're supposed to be abstinent). She spoke on ways to manage relationships, love, trust and the importance of each.

I feel like attending this retreat has re-enforced something that God has been showing me.

Des showed what can happen when a couple moves too fast, and what it can mean. She said everything I've been realizing recently.

A weakness that I have is that I have opened up way too early in a friendship/relationship. The funny thing about this is that I am also good at the antithesis of this. There are times that I cannot open up when I feel I should be able to.

I can be made so comfortable, whether it be by someone's touch or the warmth in one's voice, that I will open up without thinking twice. (this has actually only happened once that I can remember). I know when someone is wise and can be trusted with confidential information. I can be brought into a state of comfort. (notice: i did not say 'lulled' or 'false' because I don't believe the state of comfort can be described as 'false'). I don't know exactly how "weak" this makes me. I do however, believe that I need to be a better judge of when to be guarded and when to comfortably expose my inner-most being.

Day by day God is showing me how relationships are so much more than anything physical. The friendship part of a relationship is so much more special than anything physical. Find your best friend, then spend the rest of your live with her/him.

God, help me to understand that brokenness is a beautiful thing. Help me to understand how beautiful it is when one is completely devoted to you. Make me into the man you want me to be, comfort me, and complete me as only you can.

Patience...sucks

Everyday...well at least the past several days... God is teaching me what it means to be patient.

I've gone through a lot of hurt, and a lot of pain. I've been lonely, I've cried, I've cursed, I've smoked. I was talking to a good friend last night who again, like all my other friends, reminded me that God is in control. I fought back the urge to lay down a "f**k off" (i've heard it a lot...and I'm growing weary of hearing it) because this time it came from someone who has been in almost the exact same situation I'm currently in.

What's funny is this came from a person I don't get to talk to as much as I'd like. She randomly IMd me just to say hello. Of course I ended up telling her about my whole situation and pouring my heart out on her and exposing all of my hurt. I sensed that she feels a little sorry for me...but I also sensed her saying "big deal."

See, my situation can't hold a candle to her former situation. This is a girl who had fight for her man. She had to fight an uphill battle (which included a 6-month period of them being completely separated) in order to be with him. In that time God grew the both of them to the point that when they were finally together it was AWESOME. Now, for fear that I am placing too much hope in my current situation, I digress.

God is sovereign. I've never struggled so much in believing that until now. I am constantly reminded of his sovereignty everywhere I turn...mainly because I live with Colby, talk to Chris Brannen a lot, work at a church, and am currently reading a great combination of Mark Driscoll, John Piper, and Paul's book of Colossians.

I have to be patient. I'm also seeing that everywhere I turn. God is growing my patience day by day until the time comes when he completes me. I don't know when he will complete me or how he will complete me, but he will. Until then, I pray for patience, contentment, and my other half.

O...and that girl who had to fight for her man...just so i don't leave any of you in suspense...they've been together for 3 years.

God, please show me that you're here for me. Alleviate my pain, make me patient, and take glory in my suffering and brokenness. Show me your plan for my future. Please let it involve her. Amen.

From Good to Bad in Record Time!

If you would've talked to me yesterday...well you would've known that I was doing my radio show that had just begun it's second hour. Also, at this very moment 24 hours ago I was interviewing Steve Mark, the "voice" behind the MLS Cup Champion Houston Dynamo.

Everything was going well. I would finish the show, which, incidentally was the best show we've done so far. (be sure to check it out here). I left the radio station with two of my best friends, and went to a coffee shop in Sugar Land to play some poker with some of my small group. I lost all my fake money, but I did have fun. The night was going good, and then in walked someone I never thought I'd see --Hakeem Olajuwon. Hakeem Olajuwon walked in to the coffee shop I was at. It took a while, but I finally got up the courage to go get a picture and an autograph. He was a nice guy.

Something happened to me today that really made me realize how meaningless meeting Olajuwon was. Today I lost the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never felt more alone or more sad. It has just really broken me...hard. It's made me realize that life can be cruel. I don't think I've cried over anything more. ever.

I don't have anything profound or anything for any readers to think about. I just need prayer. Lots of it.

God, you have broken me. Please put me back together. Thank you.

When I Forget...He Reminds Me

I'm not sure how to go about writing this post, but here it goes.

I recently had the opportunity to visit with this one girl that I sorta like, and I told her one of my fears. Not many people know of this, so it was sort of a big deal to be able to say it freely. The fear is this: I'm scared of being insufficient. In the context of our conversation I was scared of not being a good enough boyfriend, but the fear isn't just that. I have a fear that I won't be good at whatever I'm trying to do.

I fear that I'm not a good youth pastor. I fear that I'm not a good preacher or teacher. I fear that people won't like me because I'm not good enough at things I attempt to be good at. I fear that I'll never be a good enough student. I fear that I'll never be a good radio personality. I have fears about everything I want to be good at.

During our conversation she told me "I think part of our faith is knowing that God has us where he wants us when he wants us there." I almost began to cry. Had I forgotten the sovereignty of God? When I think about the sovereignty of the Lord...well it's hard to think about. It's hard for me to try to wrap my mind around it.

Every time I forget the ultimate sovereignty of God, he reminds me. This time it was via my girlfriend. Last time it was via Vicky Beeching. I was at camp about 6 weeks back, and on the last day, from the stage, she said something that needed to be said to one of my students all week. God became real. It was amazing.

If you haven't seen this, you really need to. Joel Gutowsky is one of my close friends, and he always seems to write something that is on my heart. Also, he has a nice new layout.

Guto says "I feel like the places we're supposed to be real the most at are the places we can't be real at all."

How true is that?! Reading this blew my mind because it's what I've been wanting to say, but could never articulate...or was I just to afraid to? We can't be real in our churches because of a fear we'll be judged. That's because we're all pharisees. I, also, want to be real. I want to be exposed for who I am. I want to be comfortably exposed in my sin, relying only in the grace of God for sustenance .

However, I can't be comfortably exposed in my sin --I'm a youth pastor, someone who is supposed to be free of sin, right? No, I am a sinful man. But I have been given great grace purchased for a great price.


God, help me to be comfortably exposed in my sin. Help me to better accept people for who they are...not except people because of who they are. Make me rely solely on your grace for sustenance, and guide me as I serve as a pastor. amen.

A New View on Church Work...

In the past several days I've come to a conclusion about work in the church.

Previously, I viewed working in the church as sitting in my office, planning events, preparing to teach, reading, praying, etc... Now I have a somewhat differing view of what it means to be at "work."

I was talking with my amazing girlfriend the other night, and she asked me why I refer to my job as going to "work" or being at "work." My answer: because church work is my job. Plain and simple. I love my job. So much of the time we always place a bad stigma on being at "work." The word itself has come to carry a negative connotation. I love my job. I love being at "work." Nonetheless, I think still "work" is the proper label for it.

I do, however, have a different opinion on what it means to be at "work."

I've come to view being at "work" as a lot more than spending time inside the walls of the building where our church meets. The way I see church work is this: The church that hires me (Fair Haven UMC as of right now) gives me the resources to do ministry as I see fit. I am the youth pastor, therefore my primary target is youth. So much of the time we see our pastors as those who minister solely to a congregation. Now, we, as pastors, are definitely that. But we are called to do so much more.

If you've known me for about five minutes you know that one of my favorite television shows is a show called 'SportsNight.' It ran for two seasons on ABC several years ago, and was canceled after the second season. In one of the episodes, titled The Quality of Mercury at 29K, one of the main characters, Dan Rydell, searches for a charity to give some of his disposable income to. At one point during the episode, Dan's broadcast partner, Casey McCall, tells him "You can't fix everything, but you know what you should do? Anything. As much and as often as you can." I think that's the way we should do ministry --"Anything. As much and as often as possible."

We shouldn't restrict ourselves to...well...ourselves. We need to be doing ministry and seeking discipleship as much and as often as we can. In my mind my employer hasn't hired me just to minister to the youth of the church. They've hired me to work along side them in ministering to the community...as much and as often as I can. They've also hired me to sharpen myself as a minister. That means reading, fellowship with other ministers, and other things. By these things I become a better pastor.


God, I pray that you help me to do ministry as much and as often as I am able. Let your name be glorified by what I have done and what I will do. Amen.

What SUCKS the most...

I don't think anything can suck more than being in a position where everyone hates you for absolutely nothing. I mean...if you did something to deserve being hated you kinda understand, right?

Lately I've been faced with this situation that is out of my control, yet I seem to be getting blamed for it. What do I do? How do I handle it?

The suckiest part about the entire situation is how I'm being blamed for something then not being allowed to explain my non-involvement in the situation. It's funny. I'm being harassed by someone's friends/family via a certain online community over something that I, for once, am entirely not involved in.

I get little messages along the lines of "leave my sister alone" and "go to hell and burn" (nice thing to say, by the way...Christlike as well..I mean he was all about condemning people to their fiery home, right? Maybe if the church didn't teach that crap we wouldn't have that mentality so often. John 3:17...) from people who barely even know me. If you don't know someone nor do you know about a specific situation, don't act like you do. Maybe get the full picture (and the freaking plank out of your own eye) before going around pointing out the speck in someone else's?

Anyways...back to the topic at hand.

The situation does involve a person whom I was close to at one time and a person who I am currently somewhat close to. One of the people thinks she has been wronged by me, when in fact my only involvement in the situation is knowing about it...but I can't explain that to anyone for being blocked out.

I think it's because they're all a bunch of drama queens that have nothing else better to do than ruin men's reputations.

"Something happened...it must've been Michael."

I think my challenge in all of this is to find God's grace in it. In a post on another blog I mentioned how it is by God's grace alone that life is sustained. I said "If you are bored, it's by the grace of God" because of the fact that you are alive..therefore able to be bored. I guess my challenge is finding reason to want to be alive through something like this. It is part of my life, therefore it is attributed to God, right? Well, in the context of something that isn't so negative, one would appreciate that. But in this context I have to ask myself how I can attribute grace to this? How is God showing me grace in this situation? Obviously I am still alive, but who wants to live through something like this. If you'd rather die than live through a situation how can it be God's grace through him showing favor by allowing your life to be sustained?

OK, now I feel like a drama queen. Why is it queen anyway? Why isn't it ever king? Is that because our society is so male-dominant that everything negative ("drama" in this context) takes on a female gender in linguistics?

Back on topic again...

I think that through the crap we go through God shapes us. I believe he sends us trials and tribulations in order to make us into the people he wants us to be. I think Paul is a great example of this.

When imprisoned, Paul rejoices in the advancement of the kingdom. On Thursday, I was studying Philippians 1 with my small group. It talks about how people started getting jealous of Paul's reputation growing because of his imprisonment. He was getting to a point where people knew of him and his message. Other teachers began to get jealous of Paul's fame so they began to preach the gospel with a sense of fearlessness. Of course, their motives for doing it was way out of line, but did Paul care? no.

Philippians 1: 15-17
Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.

When we are imprisoned, can we not rejoice? It is obviously hard, but God is glorified. In my situation, as complicated as it is, God is getting glory. God is shaping me, and He is molding me. He is teaching me how to and how not to handle these situations (working in ministry, they might come up a lot). He is teaching me to live in love with the same scandalous grace he shows to us every day.

God, I pray that you will teach me what it means to love as you love us unconditionally. I plead that you will empower me to show this same scandalous grace to others as you show me every day. Amen.

"constantly..in need of grace" ?

What does it mean to be constantly in need of grace? I'm going to attempt to answer it...well from my point of view at least.

I never fail to learn something..or at least think further into something when I listen to the music of Derek Webb.

There are so many times when we (well, me at least) jumps on someone's band wagon. We say "i think this guy gets it..." Well, I think this guy really does.

If you haven't listened to it yet, you need to listen to Derek Webb's "The House Show." The album is really just a live version of "She Must and Shall Go Free," but "The House Show" contains commentary between certain songs.

If you know anything about me, you know that I'm big on living and dwelling in community. Funny...so is Derek Webb. OK, I'll admit it...Derek Webb has had an affect on me...

I'm not sure why I keep just typing two lines and going to a new paragraph, but it feels good so far...so here goes another one *enter*

Derek Webb, in short, is "the man." He talks about this great "righteousness" we prop up as an idol to God. He says that we've forgotten the truth of the gospel. He speaks of how we don't believe the message we preach. You know what? He's right, folks.

There is a reason that we worship our own morality. There is a reason that we're ransomed to this idea that we can live up to the standard set for us by Christ. It's because we're afraid to let the truth of the gospel, the victory found in the cross liberate us. We're afraid to surrender to the freedom we have in Christ. It's because we don't believe the message we're called to preach

Webb talks about how Martin Luther was pastoring a church during the reformation period. He speaks of Luther preaching the gospel on a weekly basis. He tells the story of Luther's congregation questioning his reasoning for preaching the gospel so frequently. Luther's response was that he would continue to preach the gospel until they looked like a people who were truly liberated by it. Until his dying day he did.

We've got to quit hiding the things we do that are bad and amplifying the things we do that are good. The church shouldn't serve to facilitate a competition with people yelling back and forth "We love Jesus, yes we do! We love Jesus, how about you?" Webb says that the best thing that could ever happen to him would be for his deepest, darkest secrets to be exposed on "large screens." It's true. We should be striving to reach a state where we are comfortably exposed in our sin.

So...back to the point. What does it mean to be "constantly in need of Grace?" The thing is, as humans, we are constantly sinning, right? Even as much as we don't want to admit it, we are.

Ephesians 2: 8-10:
For by grace you have been saved through faith; not of yourselves. It is the gift of God. Not of works that no one may boast. For you are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works.

Salvation isn't best described as the moment you walk down the isle of your church and ask Jesus into your heart. That is only the beginning of a continuous state of being. We are in a constant state of "salvation" because of our constant lifestyles of sin. Charles Spurgeon once said "If your sin is small than your Savior will be small, but if your sin is great than your Savior will be great." We serve a great savior, a God of scandalous grace. Let us never forget that.

God, I pray that in everything we do your name is glorified. I pray that we will strive to live in true unity and true community. I pray that I will be able to be comfortably exposed in my sin. I pray that I will be fully liberated by the truth of the gospel. I pray that you will give me the faith to believe the very message I preach. Amen.

Shaking the Bonds of Legalism

I sometimes hate Christianity as an institution. It just sucks.

In the past two years, my way of thinking has been challenged beyond belief. I feel that the institution of the church has bullcraped me into this one-way mindset that Christians are called to be white, middle-class republicans. It's all bull. I'm so sick of it.

The Church has decided that the "law" and our individual morality is more important that the foundational message we are called to preach to each other. It drives me freaking crazy. Have we forgotten that we too are with as much sin as non-believers? Have we forgotten that the only thing that separates us is the victory we've found in the cross?

All the time we, the community, get caught up in this idea of self-glorification. As Derek Webb would say "We seek to magnify everything we do that is good while we hide everything we do that is bad." This just goes to prove that we don't believe the message that we preach. We don't believe that Christ's death is sufficient for the atonement of our sins. If we did, we wouldn't have a problem admitting our sins openly.

I'm so sick of all the legalism. I'm sick of the church preaching the message of morality instead of a message of Christ. We are more concerned with whether or not people are consuming alcohol than if they are spending time in the word. There is no reason that alcohol carries such a stigma. Alcohol can be abused...but so can anything. Exercise can be abused. Fast food can be abused. ANYTHING in excess is bad for you. If you look in the word you clearly see that Christ's first miracle was giving alcohol to people that were drunk:

John 2: 1-12
The Miracle at Canaan

"On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there and both Jesus and His disciples were invited to the wedding. When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to Him, "They have no wine. And Jesus said to her, "Woman, what does that have to do with us? My hour has not yet come." His mother said to the servants, "Whatever He says to you, do it." Now there were six stone waterpots set there for the Jewish custom of purification, containing twenty or thirty gallons each. Jesus said to them, "Fill the waterpots with water." So they filled them up to the brim. And He said to them, "Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter." So they took it to him. When the headwaiter tasted the water which had become wine, and did not know where it came from (but the servants who had drawn the water knew), the headwaiter called the bridegroom, and said to him, "Every man serves the good wine first, and when the people have drunk freely, then he serves the poorer wine; but you have kept the good wine until now." This beginning of His signs Jesus did in Cana of Galilee, and manifested His glory, and His disciples believed in Him. After this He went down to Capernaum, He and His mother and His brothers and His disciples; and they stayed there a few days. "


This is awesome for so many reasons. First of all, this is CLEAR evidence that it is OK for Christians to eat, drink, and be merry. Christ, God, started his earthly ministry by turning water into alcohol --fermented alcohol.

God in the form of man started his earthly ministry by serving alcohol to drunk people. Not only that, but he used the sacred Jewish water pots that were used for purification. Jesus was all about deconstruction and breaking the letter of the morality law, folks.

Before I get struck as a liberal (which I'm OK with by the way...I don't consider it as sworn at), I want to say that I believe we should be living as Christ did. We need to be loving people and not judging people.

Christ came not to judge the world:

John 3:17 -
"For God sent not his son into the world, but that the world through him might be saved."

I'm not saying we should run around living in sin and enjoying debauchery. I'm saying that we have found liberty, victory, and freedom in the cross. We no longer have to live by the letter of the law, but by the law of Christ.

We have to quit worshiping the letter, and worship God. We have to realize that although we are to strive for perfection, we are sinful. We have to believe in the scandalous grace that we're shown..but most of all we have to learn to love.