When I Forget...He Reminds Me

I'm not sure how to go about writing this post, but here it goes.

I recently had the opportunity to visit with this one girl that I sorta like, and I told her one of my fears. Not many people know of this, so it was sort of a big deal to be able to say it freely. The fear is this: I'm scared of being insufficient. In the context of our conversation I was scared of not being a good enough boyfriend, but the fear isn't just that. I have a fear that I won't be good at whatever I'm trying to do.

I fear that I'm not a good youth pastor. I fear that I'm not a good preacher or teacher. I fear that people won't like me because I'm not good enough at things I attempt to be good at. I fear that I'll never be a good enough student. I fear that I'll never be a good radio personality. I have fears about everything I want to be good at.

During our conversation she told me "I think part of our faith is knowing that God has us where he wants us when he wants us there." I almost began to cry. Had I forgotten the sovereignty of God? When I think about the sovereignty of the Lord...well it's hard to think about. It's hard for me to try to wrap my mind around it.

Every time I forget the ultimate sovereignty of God, he reminds me. This time it was via my girlfriend. Last time it was via Vicky Beeching. I was at camp about 6 weeks back, and on the last day, from the stage, she said something that needed to be said to one of my students all week. God became real. It was amazing.

If you haven't seen this, you really need to. Joel Gutowsky is one of my close friends, and he always seems to write something that is on my heart. Also, he has a nice new layout.

Guto says "I feel like the places we're supposed to be real the most at are the places we can't be real at all."

How true is that?! Reading this blew my mind because it's what I've been wanting to say, but could never articulate...or was I just to afraid to? We can't be real in our churches because of a fear we'll be judged. That's because we're all pharisees. I, also, want to be real. I want to be exposed for who I am. I want to be comfortably exposed in my sin, relying only in the grace of God for sustenance .

However, I can't be comfortably exposed in my sin --I'm a youth pastor, someone who is supposed to be free of sin, right? No, I am a sinful man. But I have been given great grace purchased for a great price.


God, help me to be comfortably exposed in my sin. Help me to better accept people for who they are...not except people because of who they are. Make me rely solely on your grace for sustenance, and guide me as I serve as a pastor. amen.