peace, brokenness, beautiful devotion..

Lately I'm trying to view my situation using a different light...from a different context. See, in the context of 'gain' and 'loss,' in the context of things that are 'earthly,' I've obviously lost something that is very dear to me, a friendship that has become very dear to me.

Viewing my situation from my eyes it really sucks. I am, however, trying to view it on things on a different level. I'm trying to view it using a different pair of eyes. I'm trying to push aside my personal bias.

I'm trying to understand the sacrifice, the pain, and the brokenness that Ada has gone through is a thing of beauty when viewed by our God. I'm not trying to say that God basks in our misery, I'm saying that God takes delight in his children being unconditionally devoted to him and his works.

Sacrificing something that you hold dear to your heart in order to be in the center of the Lord's will is simply a beautiful thing. Being so devoted to our savior is a beautiful, beautiful thing. The brokenness and hurt that we suffer for the cause of the kingdom is absolutely beautiful, and I'm working every day in continuing to believe this.

Lately I've just been wanting a hug. I've just wanted one of my friends to come up to me, grab me, and not let me go for a while.

I attended a retreat from Friday until this afternoon (i had to leave early in order to fulfill my responsibilities as the youth pastor at Fair Haven). It was awesome. We worshipped. I felt the arms of God grasp me. I felt Him hold me. It was awesome. I felt comforted. I'll try not to get too pentecostal. I digress.

Destiny Cortez, of Extreme Change Ministries, taught on the topic of relationships. It wasn't one of those "abstinence conferences" where they tell you all the reasons to be sexually pure. Those in attendance were all believers (meaning we know that you're supposed to be abstinent). She spoke on ways to manage relationships, love, trust and the importance of each.

I feel like attending this retreat has re-enforced something that God has been showing me.

Des showed what can happen when a couple moves too fast, and what it can mean. She said everything I've been realizing recently.

A weakness that I have is that I have opened up way too early in a friendship/relationship. The funny thing about this is that I am also good at the antithesis of this. There are times that I cannot open up when I feel I should be able to.

I can be made so comfortable, whether it be by someone's touch or the warmth in one's voice, that I will open up without thinking twice. (this has actually only happened once that I can remember). I know when someone is wise and can be trusted with confidential information. I can be brought into a state of comfort. (notice: i did not say 'lulled' or 'false' because I don't believe the state of comfort can be described as 'false'). I don't know exactly how "weak" this makes me. I do however, believe that I need to be a better judge of when to be guarded and when to comfortably expose my inner-most being.

Day by day God is showing me how relationships are so much more than anything physical. The friendship part of a relationship is so much more special than anything physical. Find your best friend, then spend the rest of your live with her/him.

God, help me to understand that brokenness is a beautiful thing. Help me to understand how beautiful it is when one is completely devoted to you. Make me into the man you want me to be, comfort me, and complete me as only you can.