Patience...sucks

Everyday...well at least the past several days... God is teaching me what it means to be patient.

I've gone through a lot of hurt, and a lot of pain. I've been lonely, I've cried, I've cursed, I've smoked. I was talking to a good friend last night who again, like all my other friends, reminded me that God is in control. I fought back the urge to lay down a "f**k off" (i've heard it a lot...and I'm growing weary of hearing it) because this time it came from someone who has been in almost the exact same situation I'm currently in.

What's funny is this came from a person I don't get to talk to as much as I'd like. She randomly IMd me just to say hello. Of course I ended up telling her about my whole situation and pouring my heart out on her and exposing all of my hurt. I sensed that she feels a little sorry for me...but I also sensed her saying "big deal."

See, my situation can't hold a candle to her former situation. This is a girl who had fight for her man. She had to fight an uphill battle (which included a 6-month period of them being completely separated) in order to be with him. In that time God grew the both of them to the point that when they were finally together it was AWESOME. Now, for fear that I am placing too much hope in my current situation, I digress.

God is sovereign. I've never struggled so much in believing that until now. I am constantly reminded of his sovereignty everywhere I turn...mainly because I live with Colby, talk to Chris Brannen a lot, work at a church, and am currently reading a great combination of Mark Driscoll, John Piper, and Paul's book of Colossians.

I have to be patient. I'm also seeing that everywhere I turn. God is growing my patience day by day until the time comes when he completes me. I don't know when he will complete me or how he will complete me, but he will. Until then, I pray for patience, contentment, and my other half.

O...and that girl who had to fight for her man...just so i don't leave any of you in suspense...they've been together for 3 years.

God, please show me that you're here for me. Alleviate my pain, make me patient, and take glory in my suffering and brokenness. Show me your plan for my future. Please let it involve her. Amen.