I figured it out...maybe?

I think I've come to some conclusions about things.

It didn't end normally.

huh?

It didn't end normally.

It wasn't one of your generic "i don't like you anymore" or "i don't see this relationship going anywhere" or "you've done something to piss me off" type ending. We were both forced to walk away from something we didn't want to walk away from. We both did/still do have deep feelings for each other...that we can't express. Actually, come to think of it..it's a pretty sick situation. Since when is it healthy to bottle up feelings? Maybe that's another reason I feel sick.

Anyway, it wasn't a normal ending. There is a reason that I have pictures on my camera I can't delete...or look at. There's a reason that I don't want to throw away little notes and whatnot that keep showing up in my room. It's not because we hate each other. It's because we care about each other. It's because I still care for her, and it hurts that we can't be in each others' lives right now.

I see other friendships of hers continuing...which is great. I just somewhat feel left behind. When she needs help with something she's obviously not calling me, and I can't help but look at it and say "I wish that was me."

I'm starting to get sick of writing about it, but it may be my only means of true expression.

And the final thing that sucks is this: there is no closure, and right now there can't be. No mortal has any way of knowing for sure how temporary or permanent this is.

An extra-ordinary situation, indeed.


God, please continue to give me patience...right now. Comfort me in my sorrow. Comfort her in her sorrow. Glorify yourself through our sorrow. Reveal yourself to us, and continue to work on us separately.